He doesn't understand

Former Member

Yesterday I had to have my beautiful dog, Sam, put to sleep. Some of you may remember I posted about him a while ago when he was very ill, which he strangely recovered from. He was then more recently diagnosed with cancer which was affecting most of his body. He took a turn for the worse and that kindest thing to do was to say goodbye.

I am so so upset about it, words really cant do it justice. What isn't helping is that the boy just doen't get it. He doesnt understand how upset I am, or seem to care. I'm so angry at him for not being bothered. What can I do or say to make him see that? Sam mattered to me more than he obviously realises and it's tearing me up that the boy can't sympathise with that. I'm probably overreacting because I'm upset- I don't know. Does anyone have some nice things to say to cheer me up?! And please- if you're not an animal person or you don't understand how people can get so attached to their pets- please keep your thoughts to yourself. Thank you. xXx

Former Member

I think it's really easy to be attatched to an animal - my own story is of my cat, Polly. We had similar 'personalities' in that we didn't like loud noise, a lot of fuss, and just liked a bit of attention from time to time. So she spent time in my room, and we ended up sleeping together for what... 10 years maybe? When she died, I had such a great sense of loss, because I had always felt like I should look out for her. It can hit you harder than a person dying, depending on how close you were.

If your boyfriend doesn't understand, what I would suggest, is simply talking to him. It's a delicate issue, and he might be trying to help you not think about Sam, but if you explain to him how upset you are and you just want some time to grieve, and his support would be appreciated, I bet he'd be ok with it. It's tricky, because when you deal with your own grief, you don't know how to do it because it's so sudden - and when you have to deal with your friend's / partner's grief (I mean, just acknowledge it's there, not 'fix' everything), in a way it's a similar sort of shock. What do you say without making things worse? Do they want to talk about it? Should I just pretend things are normal?

Although I have to say, in my experience with family members and pets dying, most people feel too awkward to say anything and so do try to pretend everything is normal. One of my teachers at school found my friend crying after I'd told her my dad passed away - and the teacher told her off for upsetting me :eek2:.

My sympathies for your loss, it's your close friends and family who get you through times like this.

Former Member

Pets really can become part of the family in every sense, when they die, you miss them just like you would miss any other family memeber.

Think about what life the dog had. Did it go for good walks? did it get lots of attention? Most of all did it have a safe home where it could live? These are the things which make a dogs life good. Aslong as your dog had all these things, he/she will have had the best possible life you could have given it.

I think its best you talk with your boy, and explain how upset you really are, it maybe he doesnt realise how upset you are.

:thumb:

Former Member

pets are family, people who dont have them, dont understand

if he isnt an animal lover, or didnt spend time with the dog himself, he probably doesnt understand your attatchment to sam

sad situation, and i feel for you, when percy goes, i'll cry forever!

but if he isnt that way inclined, you cant make him feel upset.

what exactly is "the boy" saying when you get upset? is he patronising you?x

Former Member

Littleali wrote: »

what exactly is "the boy" saying when you get upset? is he patronising you?x

No he's not patronising me as such- he's just saying stuff like 'he's not really gone, he'll always be in your heart'... which i know is true, I'll never forget sam, but the truth is that he IS gone. He'll never greet me at the door again, roll over to have his tummy tickled, or do any of the things he loved. He just doesnt seem to think its a particularly big deal, and to me, I've lost someone incredibly important to me. Ah i dunno, I'm probably feeling a bit ratty and sore because of what's happened. Thank you to everyone for understanding

Former Member

well thats nice of him to say that, to be honest there isnt really a lot more he can say! as long as he's giving you hugs when ya down, he cant really do much else

chin up

x

Former Member

Sorry to hear about Sam It's awful when you lose a pet. Some people just deal with it and get on with it and other are really upset and feel it worse. Just the way we're all made at the end of the day. I think i'd have to agree with Littleali that it does sound like maybe your boyfriend is trying to deal with the situation as best he can but is maybe a little lost as to how to cope with a grieving gf. (look at how a lot of men become lost souls when confronted with pmt)
My usual pattern i've found is spend two days crying and then go onto autopilot for the next month. I'm such a wuss with animals tho, i get very attached quickly. Everything seems pretty empty and quiet for a while, the house, the garden, your walking time etc. Then it does ease i promise, just takes a while for everything to heal, then you feel like you can take the next step to maybe looking for another woggle. My dad was adamant that the last one was the last, until he met the boyo (who's now 4) and low and behold it was all of a sudden "our boy" this and "our boy" that. :yeees: Dog is well spolit.