Would you

Former Member

Ever change yourself for you bf/gf?

Former Member

depends how

Former Member

Depends. My boyfriend loves my hair long, so I'd be reluctant to cut it. However, there are things that I consider unacceptable for a person to change, like who they are as a person etc.

Former Member

go_away wrote: »

Depends. My boyfriend loves my hair long, so I'd be reluctant to cut it. However, there are things that I consider unacceptable for a person to change, like who they are as a person etc.

Agreed.

If somebody *expects* me to change, they've a long wait ahead. People have to take you as you are and then perhaps they'll/you'll find that you unconsciously change as your personalities mesh.

God, I can't believe I used the word "mesh". It's buzz word bingo all over again. :yeees:

Former Member

Totally depends on the situation. If I was constantly doing something wrong or behaving badly then yes, I'd try and change that. But if it was something like changing the way I am in general, who I am, what I wear, my sense of humor etc then no, he can sod right off!

Former Member

No not the way I look or my personality. If they don't like it they can get lost!

Former Member

Nop, if they don't like me for me, then they aint right for me.

Former Member

If I was doing something I didn't like about myself and was driving a wedge between me and the bloke, then yes I would try to change. However, that'd be more for myself rather than the bloke.

I wouldn't change just because they wanted me to behave differently.

Former Member

Well i was about to post something along the lines of

erm, yeh why not, she has quite a fun life and if all else fails I could play with my boobs all day.

then i realised what the question meant.

Former Member

Fairy wrote: »

No not the way I look or my personality. If they don't like it they can get lost!

Kazbo wrote: »

Nop, if they don't like me for me, then they aint right for me.

Woud that always be the case? What if you were told that you had a bad attitude about something (and it was true)? Are you saying that you would never change anything under any condition?

Former Member

I've been in quite destructive relationships before where the other person has tried to change me, and dictated about what I should be doing or how I should be acting. But I've also seen the other side of the coin where I've just been in amazing relationships where they've just let me be myself and it's been cool as fuck. I do think I've been through a lot and I've always been determined to be myself, so it's a pet hate of mine when people have trouble accepting that and try to change me.

I know I'm still quite emotionally immature and I've got a bit of growing up to do, so if I was with the right person then I might change for the better naturally within the relationship, rather than following orders or whatever else.

Former Member

Without even really realising it, I changed a lot (for the worse) while I was going out with my ex boyfriend - to the point where my best friend said she really didn't like me when I was with him.

That was terrible - I felt awful when she said that, but it made me realise that I had to be much more aware in the future and not 'lose' myself for anyone or anything - so overall, it was a really positive experience.

So in short - no - I'd never change (as in - compromise who I am) for anyone or anything again.

Former Member

I stopped using hair gel for my girlfriend and let my hair grow a little longer then i like it because she liked it that way and said it suited me more.

I nagged her until she quit smoking for me. Then again i was always annoyed when she said she didnt smoke and 5 minutes later buy a packet of fags and make out like it didnt count, so eventually i bothered her so much with nagging she quit.

But that is it. I wouldnt change who i am as a person or expect her to change who she is.

Former Member

It's a difficult one to answer. I've changed a lot with the encouragement and support of my current fella, I've always been quite distant and very closed off about my past when in relationships and he's really encouraged me to face up to it and talk about it and be a lot more open. It has definitely been to my benefit in the long run, but I really did only start making the changes because he found it so frustrating to deal with bad things from the past when I wasn't even willing to talk about it. If I hadn't become involved with him I probably would've gone on as I always did, keeping things under wraps and never really feeling comfortable... that I was hiding something bad. If that makes sense. It took time, and while I wanted to change the way I was I found it really hard for a while.

I'm glad he kept on with it though, I'm a different person now and better for all that nagging

I don't know if that's what the question is about though. I doubt I'd ever change anything about my appearance, morals or views for a partner but I can't now honestly say I rule out any change in my character in the development of a relationship. Obviously a big part of a relationship is discovering things about yourself as well as discovering the new person in your life, so I suppose any change is possible... really.

Former Member

luvmeright wrote: »

Ever change yourself for you bf/gf?

Oooooooh, I just realised You were'nt talking about metamorphosis.

Former Member

otter wrote: »

depends how

best answer, short but full of content.

I usually connect something negative with "changing for a partner". Like - as a dumb example - she is emo and wants me to like her music, or wants me to dress black, or whatever. It's not going to happen.

I have to be convinced of the "change" and would prefer it my own way eitherway. I would never change in the sense of neglecting my friends to spend every free hour with her, or anything that occurs to be something negative or I'm not 100% comfortable with.

I don't want to come over doormatish, but I could even think of changing my hairstyle for example for her (except bald and or long enough that it covers my ears), but on the other hand: this shouldn't be afactor anyway. If she suggests something new, when I'm at the hairdresser, well, I'm not particularly picky with my hair, but if she's like "I would reconsider our partnership if you did this and that with you hair.", yea, she can pack her luggage and go.

It's a sensitive topic. Changing for a partner to a degree is tolerance, but demanding change is not cool.

Former Member

Only if I wanted to. And in that case, I would technically be changing for me, because I enjoyed seeing them like something I've changed. Kinda like buying them a present. You do it because you enjoy it really.

Former Member

No. I would only change if I wanted to.

Former Member

Depends on what was being asked - I did cut down on my drinking soon after we met - after she had to carry me home for the fourth week running :angel:

Other than that I can't think of anything I have changed. If I did change too much then I would not longer be *me* and we'd end up with the whole "you aren't the person I fell in love with" break-up

Former Member

Man Of Kent wrote: »

Depends on what was being asked - I did cut down on my drinking soon after we met - after she had to carry me home for the fourth week running :angel: