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Anyone understand?

AshleenAshleen Posts: 108 The Mix Convert
in Health & Wellbeing
I've been feeling pretty poor lately and I really can't understand it.. I've been self harming, I thought I could stop it its been happening for 3 years my parents don't understand and I just need help but don't know whom I should turn to please help
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Comments

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,493 Skive's The Limit
    edited June 2018
    Heya
    well i wouldnt say i understand cause everyones different but ive also been self harming for a few years. Dont really have any wise words or answer. But just letting you know youre not alone and speaking about with it being doctor, family, freind, could help. 

    What dont you understand? —Why you have been feeling poor or why you have been self harming. I think its important to try to work out why you self harm. Different for everyone. But i Think theres always a reason or cause and safe solutions with it and things that can help you
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • AshleenAshleen Posts: 108 The Mix Convert
    I think I know why I'm so down but the self harming just came out of no where in grade nine and its gotten worse over the years then stopes and just recently I've started again.. I told a girl I like that I liked them and they kinda told me off.. I feel horrible and like its my fault that this has happened maybe if I didn't share my feelings it would have been different 
  • AshleenAshleen Posts: 108 The Mix Convert
    Am I to blame if I share my feelings with someone and they get mad at me? Is that my fault? Should I have kept my feelings hidden? I don't know what to do 
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,493 Skive's The Limit
    edited June 2018
    I think its great you even shared your feelings with her & something to be proud of cause can take a lot. Its not your fault for the reaction. Though any rejection can definetly feel hard. 

    At the time you didnt know it ‘could of been different’ And you didnt know how theyd react. You may regret sharing your feelings now. But if you never said how you felt youd probably regret that. And wouldnt let it put you off sharing your feelings in the future. 

    Can you talk with this out with her and still be friends with them?
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • AshleenAshleen Posts: 108 The Mix Convert
    I don't know is she wants to.. Right now I think its better if I give her space but its hard.. I mean this is all new to me and I feel horrible about it maybe she's just not comfortable with that? I don't know its just hard 
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,493 Skive's The Limit
    Ah yeah maybe give it time. Understandably difficult.  Do you have any distractions or hobbies to keep your mind off it - in the meantime?
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • AshleenAshleen Posts: 108 The Mix Convert
    Not really my school band is having a party today and I'll see her there and I'm worried I'll cry 
  • Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Ashleen said:
    Am I to blame if I share my feelings with someone and they get mad at me? Is that my fault? Should I have kept my feelings hidden? I don't know what to do 
    Hey Ashleen, you've come to the right place, we're all here to help and listen here  :)
    I'm sorry you're going through a tough time. You're absolutely not to blame if someone gets mad at you for sharing your feelings. It's something we are all encouraged to do for our peace of mind and if she doesn't appreciate that then that's a shame. I wouldn't regret it because otherwise you would never know. 

    Is that why you feel you have started self harming again? 

    Sending hugs  <3
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • AshleenAshleen Posts: 108 The Mix Convert
    No I started self harming in grade nine after.. After being raped.. I tried talking to people but when I did they either left or told me it was my fault
  • AshleenAshleen Posts: 108 The Mix Convert
     I want to thank everybody for their help and support.. I have an appointment this Monday and Wednesday hopefully something good comes out of it.. It means the world to me to know there are people in this world who care and want to help
  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 1,851 Extreme Poster
    Hi Ashleen,

    I hope that the appointments go well - do let us know how they go!x

    Much love <3
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  • AshleenAshleen Posts: 108 The Mix Convert
    Letting anyone and everyone know I'm gonna be away from July 3-July 13 do to operations.. I will try and keep u all updated but I may not be able to use my phone much during that time. 
  • nish215nish215 Posts: 64 Boards Initiate
    Hi Ashleen,

    We wish you a speedy recovery from your operation and hope you're doing well! Lets us know how things are when you come back :)

    -nish 
  • AshleenAshleen Posts: 108 The Mix Convert
    Never mind got one operation done today!! Went pretty well!! 
    Today at 12:30 I had my ear operation to fix my ruptured ear drum and now I can hear!!! I'm actually so happy right now I could cry
  • AifeAife Community Manager Posts: 3,031 Boards Guru
    Hey @Ashleen that's amazing news that the operation went so well. So happy for you that you can now hear! Keep us updated with how the other one's go <3

    - Aife
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • AshleenAshleen Posts: 108 The Mix Convert
    OK so I know in the UK its late.. So I'm posting this now fro anyone who cares.. And reads it..
    I won't be on the mix for a while.. Tomorrow will be my last day.. I'm being taken to a rehab center.. Ive lost so many good people.. And now I'm being taken to a rehab center.. I think its the best this for me..
    I'm to the point with my depression that I can't deal anymore.. Everything feels worthless and pointless.. I feel like I now longer have a meaning to my life.. So maybe me going away will be a good thing.. They have postpone my operations due to my health and my condition.. I'm sorry to all who believed I could get better
  • AifeAife Community Manager Posts: 3,031 Boards Guru
    edited July 2018
    Hey @Ashleen

    I hope you manage to find the support you're looking for from the rehab centre. If you do manage to come back online, do let us know how you're getting on. We'll also be here when you come back from rehab and anytime you want someone to talk to. 

    I really hope things do get better for you, it sounds like you've been struggling for such a long time now :(

    We still believe that you can get better Ashleen and you will. Stay strong <3

    - Aife 
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • AshleenAshleen Posts: 108 The Mix Convert
    Thank you aife!
    This is an update.
    I'm doing betterish... Things are still hard but with rehab I'm sorta getting better its not easy to admit I needed the help but I did.. I'm actually enjoying myself I'll keep you updated and am looking forward to being back full time!
  • AshleenAshleen Posts: 108 The Mix Convert
    Hi guys! I am back for the week!!
    I am doing better instead of my operations I've been having radiation therapy for my tumor and rehab has helped. I go back next week because my family wants to spend some time with me I will still be having meetings and stuff like that with my support worker though 
    But I thought I would let you know and keep the updates coming!
    Thank you so Much everyone who has commented and stayed with me through this hard time 
    It means a lot to me thank you!
  • AifeAife Community Manager Posts: 3,031 Boards Guru
    Hey Ashleen, 

    It's so great to hear that you're doing better. It's nice that you're going home to spend some time with your family. I hope you have a lovely week back home. 

    Stay strong Ashleen <3
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • AshleenAshleen Posts: 108 The Mix Convert
    Letting everyone know I am not going to be using the mix anymore I can't... Between falling for someone who doesn't feel the same to being in rehab.. I can't use the mix anymore I'm beyond help and i m sorry but I can't keep living like this and trying to be someone I'm not.
    I'm tired of having to act happy and like I'm fine.
    I'm not okay and I wish for once I wasn't even here.
    I'm more alone then ever before I've lost everything and I can't ever get any of it back.
    Pitting my problems out into the world was stupid and I'm now realizing how many people it hurts... 
    So I wish everyone luck on there recovery..
    Something I will never have.
    Something I never deserved.
    All I've ever wanted was help and to smile again..
    But I can't I've done nothing but hurt and upset...
    Goodbye.
  • SevenSeven Posts: 58 Boards Initiate
    Hi Ashleen,

    We completely understand if you don't feel comfortable being on here anymore. Please don't feel like you can't be here if you still aren't feeling great, because we are always here to listen and still will be if you decide to come back. We're here because we want to support you and anyone who wants to have a chat, and for no other reason! :)

    If you do see this, how are you feeling after some time away?

    All the best, 
    Seven
  • AshleenAshleen Posts: 108 The Mix Convert
    I've taken time away for rehab and I've felt horrible ever since I feel like nobody cares at all
  • EyepatchEyepatch Posts: 666 Incredible Poster
    Please stay with the Mix at least a little longer, we want to help but if you leave then you take the chance of us helping away from yourself.  

    You deserve to be happy
    You deserve to smile
    We are here for you, its okay if it hurts. 

    We support you and we want you to feel better, we want you to want to feel better.
    "Sometimes we find ourselves stuck between choosing what is right, and what is easy." 
  • AshleenAshleen Posts: 108 The Mix Convert
    But I don't deserve to be helped or being better.
    I'm tired of hurting.
    Tired of trying.
    Tired of feeling
  • EyepatchEyepatch Posts: 666 Incredible Poster
    Ashleen said:
    Hi guys! I am back for the week!!
    I am doing better instead of my operations I've been having radiation therapy for my tumor and rehab has helped. I go back next week because my family wants to spend some time with me I will still be having meetings and stuff like that with my support worker though 
    But I thought I would let you know and keep the updates coming!
    Thank you so Much everyone who has commented and stayed with me through this hard time 
    It means a lot to me thank you!

    Here you mentioned family, a support worker and everyone here. All people who want to help you. Please let us know how we can support you though this and back up to feeling good again. Think of the progress you have made, you've been so brave to get support. Perhaps you're tired from your effort to get better, thats okay, its proof you have made it this far and proof you can go further. 

    How about taking some time for yourself right now, put away anything that could hurt you and make your self a nice warm drink. Pick up a book or listen to some nice music, if you need to talk to someone we are right here or, if you'd rather speak in person, you can call the Mix helpline and chat with someone. 

    You do deserve help, everything that has happened to you is not who you are. Those events only control you if you let them. You are strong and you deserve to give yourself as many chances as you need.
    "Sometimes we find ourselves stuck between choosing what is right, and what is easy." 
  • AshleenAshleen Posts: 108 The Mix Convert
    I'd have to pay for the call since I live in Canada...
    Everything that's happened is my own fault
  • EyepatchEyepatch Posts: 666 Incredible Poster
    Are there any helplines you can call in Canada? If you are in any danger or harming yourself you can call 911, I did some quick searches using the place you have under your name, London Ontation Canada. You could try going here, 
    Canadian Mental Health Association
    Ontario Division
    180 Dundas Street West
    Suite 2301
    Toronto Canada 
    They will be open next at 9am on Monday, Im trying to find a 24 hour helpline for you so you don't have to wait,

    In the meantime, why do you feel this is your fault? We should think about why you feel this way and then we can try changing that and making you feel better. We can't change things in the past, but we can change how we want our future to look. 
    "Sometimes we find ourselves stuck between choosing what is right, and what is easy." 
  • AshleenAshleen Posts: 108 The Mix Convert
    Cuz all this happened to me Cuz I'm a horrible person I deserve to feel like poop.
    I've done nothing good and that won't change I'm not good I'm evil and just don't deserve anything!
  • EyepatchEyepatch Posts: 666 Incredible Poster
    Why do you think you are a bad person?
    Not everyone gets a chance to do something good, but that doesn't make them bad. You still matter and you can still try. 
    "Sometimes we find ourselves stuck between choosing what is right, and what is easy." 
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