Scared of letting someone close?
Basically, a guy is messaging me at the moment and i really don't know how i feel about it all. I find it hard to trust guys from past experiences and don't want to end up getting hurt again by maybe starting something. It seems silly writing it down because i'm 19 and nearly all my friends are in relationships and have been for ages and they do not get as freaked out by things as me. I have never had a relationship or dated anyone before. Loads of guys have message me and i always get scared and push them away before i can get to know them better which i really annoy myself by doing but i don't know how to do anything differently.
The guy messaging me at the moment did try and message me a couple of years ago at college and i was actually really harsh to him and pushed him away and he ended up with another girl for about a year and a bit. They both went to uni this year and she cheated on him and then last week he started messaging me again saying how he wanted to meet up when he is back for Christmas. He keeps saying things like "i really liked you and want us to work this time" but i never know what to say back to him. I kind of feel like i am a rebound from the girl he just broke up with but i said that to him and he just said he liked me before he even knew her.
I know i am thinking so far ahead but i'm not sure if i see the point in me meeting up with him when he is back for Christmas. I don't feel that anything could happen because he will go back to uni and i will be travelling and then ill be going to a different uni. It wont work.
One second i think i will meet up with him and see what happens and then the next i get so panicky about it and decide i wont because i get scared about that could happen. I thought things were alright between us last night and we were having a normal conversation but then he brought up what happened a couple of years back and wanted me to explain why i said what i did. It's the second or third time he brought it up now and i get that it was mean of me to say things to him like i did but i was so scared at the time. I have never told anyone what happened and i don't want to because i want to move on and not bring it up again but he was pushing me to tell him so much last night and i hated it. I told him that i didn't want to explain but he didn't seem to get it. Now i'm back to having no clue what i think.
I feel so stupid being this scared over this and making a big deal over nothing but i really don't know what to do?
Sorry, it was longer than i expected! Thanks if you actually bothered to read it all