I need help. Serious help.
Okay, okay. So, pretty much, I've been having the most uncontrollable urges and thoughts of murdering and torturing people. It's really really bad and I want it to stop.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been trying to control myself and find alternatives, and for a while I would just draw out my thoughts and the things I wanted to do, or I would go outside and break things with a shovel, but I've been starting to get these spells of rage in which I get so uncontrollably angry for no reason. I get super duper mad and start breaking things and nothing ever even happened to make me this angry.
I can't tell anyone I know in real life because I'm on my final warning, and if I do or say one more thing that the authorities think is risky, I'm going into long term mental correction. I can't stand going back, they don't help me, and so I decided to take things into my own hands.
Please please please help me. I don't want to have these urges and needs to kill or hurt people, I just want to be a normal kid. I don't want my brain to be plagued with thoughts of killing and torturing people, and most of all, I don't want to like the thoughts of killing and torturing people. I don't want to get so angry for no reason all because of these urges being left unsatisfied.
I... I enjoy people suffering... And the thing is, I don't want to hurt animals, because they can't scream words, they haven't done anything wrong, they have no reason to be punished. I'm so angry and upset at myself for feeling this way. It's not right, it's not normal. Please help me.
I feel so terrible for thinking like this, and if anybody can help me, please please please do. I really really need help.