'Depression' and 'anxiety' at a new job
Unfortunately today of all days I came to the realisation that it probably is a lot worse than I thought.
Today, I started a new job, it's my first ever job as I've spent my whole life so far in education. It's in the kitchen of a hospital, where I help clean things and take food to the different wards, it's incredibly faced paced and demanding. I was really excited but nervous to start this job - the prospect of finally having an income to get me out of debt made me happy. During my first shift today, which was only 5 hours, I found it increasingly difficult to work without watching the clock and waiting to leave.
I'm already having bad anxiety about working tomorrow, I don't want to go back.
Even though I haven't been diagnosed by a doctor (yet), I am aware that I possess traits, actions and thoughts of someone with depression and anxiety (I don't want to just say that I have it, as I don't want to disrespect anyone if I haven't been diagnosed with it). I've felt like this for the best part of 10 years, but only in the last year I truly come to realise it and understand it.
I've realised how much the way I feel is affecting me, to the point where my first day of work ends in me having a breakdown.
I want to go to a doctor about this, I've been on the fence about it for a long time, but I feel that I do need to start taking action now.
The thing is, I don't know how to go about asking my new employer for time off to seek help as it's so soon after starting.
I also don't know the course of action that would take place for me to get help while employed. I don't know anything about mental health and sick pay for this stuff. I'm 99% sure I won't get sick pay because even though I'm contracted to work a minimum of 20 hours a week, my role is 'temporary' (temporary in this job is anywhere from a few months to a few years) so I don't get the perks of sick pay.
Part of me wants to leave this job, find something else more suited to my needs. (part time, 3 or 4 days a week so there's enough time for me to breathe, doctors appointments, etc) but I feel like I'd be such a disappointment to myself, my boyfriend and my parents if I left this job after less than a week after trying so hard to get one.
If anyone has advice or knows the steps I would need to take to get help through all this I would appreciate it more than anything.