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Sexual assault

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Comments

  • ReenaReena Posts: 1,375 Wise Owl
    Unflithen wrote: »
    They're so disrespectful that I can't begin to explain it. I'm just going to hide in my bedroom tomorrow. I'm in no mood to speak to them. I've had enough of them. My body feels disgusting and I'm resisting urges to harm myself but I hate my body so much that I feel like I deserve it.

    I can tell you that you truly don't deserve it. You can't let them be the reason to hide in your bedroom. But if its the only place you feel comfortable while they're around then do what you feel is best. xx
  • ReenaReena Posts: 1,375 Wise Owl
    Unflithen wrote: »
    Does anybody know what would amount to assault? Or what tolerance I'd have to withstand before something becomes assault? What about verbal warnings? If I've said not to do it again and it's ignored? I know that I'm sensitive about my body, maybe I'm being too sensitive?

    I think I read somewhere that it can be anything from a touch, a peck on the cheek, a brush against the skin. I think its any unwanted physical contact, even a hug. If its done in a way that you feel is wrong or meant as intimidation then I think it could be anything.
    If you remember I said before, some guy pinched my bum. I know he didn't mean much by it, just a bit of fun to look big in front of his friends, but it still made me feel sick and really uncomfortable. If it hadn't been for the fact my friend was crying when it happened, I think I would have ran after him and hit him I was that angry.
    They say spiting at the police you can be arrested for assault.
    I don't think your being too sensitive. If you don't want someone to touch you they have no right to, its your body at the end of the day. You have to feel comfortable in your own skin, and that can't start if people touch you when you're not happy about it. Get use to your own skin first then maybe you'll accept the touch of others.
    I'm still struggling with this, but I like to think I can make exceptions now and then.
    If you are ignored, keep saying it over and over. If its someone you have to be around regularly, it may be worth telling them seriously and calmly, that you would like them to please respect your personal space, that their behavior is unacceptable, or making you uncomfortable. It may be hard, but it might help. The only other thing would be to report them. To the university, police, if you feel its necessary. It is important to feel safe.
    Never tolerate even the smallest amount, if its upsetting to you, it shouldn't be tolerated.
    I hope I made some sense, I haven't been very well, and can't look at the screen for too long, and my head is all over the place. xx :yuck:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I told them, but it didn't seem to make a difference. I know that I can be especially sensitive because of things which have happened to me, but I feel like I'm using that as an excuse to be quite so sensitive. I feel like I'm being selfish. Nightmares haven't been pleasant though, I still feel like I'm suffering.
  • ReenaReena Posts: 1,375 Wise Owl
    Of course you are suffering. It is going to take a lot of hard work and time, but one day they won't be so bad.
    And it doesn't matter if you use that as an excuse. Nothing, (not that I can recall, but I have wondered!) has happened to me like that, but I hate my body, don't like to be touched and feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I've always been over sensitive, emotionally and with this issue of unwanted touching.
    I think you could start small, handshakes and hugging maybe! -Try with friends and family if you feel happy to. Don't rush, always go at your own pace.

    Do you mind me asking what they have been doing? Maybe I can help. xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I tried to make a statement last Monday, but I was told that I couldn't make a statement without it being formalised. I don't understand it?
  • ReenaReena Posts: 1,375 Wise Owl
    Its probably because of the seriousness of the crime.
    Did you do it anyway? You could always go back, and even if it is formalized that isn't necessarily a negative thing, and I don't think it means you have to go any further than you are able to. They may even be able to over exclusive help and organisations to help you through.

    This must have been very hard for you. You are taking a really brave step. Wishing you all the best. xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I want it to stop. I want to harm myself. I want to die. I don't feel like I'm in control anymore.
  • ReenaReena Posts: 1,375 Wise Owl
    You can always get that control back.
    Did any of the links have advice on making statements?

    Is it the police you went to?
    I can't be sure, but from what I have heard and read, the police give you some control and say over what happens next, and offer support too.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It isn't what I want. I want control. I don't want them doing anything I don't want them to do. If I make a formal statement, I can't cope with the consequences of it. I know too much detail. It's my fault.
  • ReenaReena Posts: 1,375 Wise Owl
    Its not your fault, if you feel that way, that's that. Only you know what's best for you, and when you don't, you look for advice. It can be dealt with in anyway you choose. No one will think less of you for that, so don't beat yourself up about it.

    Perhaps these sites can help. Some have other men sharing their thoughts and feelings about their experiences, others offer advice and support. xx

    www.survivorsuk.org
    www.irwinmitchell.com/Abuse
    www.malesurvivor.org/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I should be dead.
  • ReenaReena Posts: 1,375 Wise Owl
    I felt that way before too, for different reasons but still.
    When I started getting help, I realized that if that were true, I would have never been born in the first place.
    *hug* :heart: *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can't be helped anymore.
  • ReenaReena Posts: 1,375 Wise Owl
    Even if you feel that, we'll all continue giving as much support and advice we can, for as long as you want it.
    Have you made any friends at uni?
    xx *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm too afraid. I'm in so much pain that I want to die.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you actually seeked out help? Have you spoken to your GP or anyone?
  • ReenaReena Posts: 1,375 Wise Owl
    Unflithen wrote: »
    I'm too afraid. I'm in so much pain that I want to die.

    I wish I knew what to say to comfort you.

    Is being there at uni making it worse? If it is, you really shouldn't worry about having to be there. Don't put yourself under stress, or purposely force yourself into things if your not ready. Have you thought about what I said, concerning uni? Working some arrangement out with them to go back when you're ready. Maybe you're taking on too much at the moment. If you feel that's true, you should just concentrate on yourself and your thoughts right now.
    Having everything else to worry about can't be helping. Do you think that might help? Concentrating on one thing and one thing only, yourself.

    Sending you warm thoughts xx. :heart: *hug* :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Unflithen *hug*

    Sometimes it might seem like getting rid of the pain by dying is the only solution, but it's not. Have a look at this survivor's story on how it can be possible to move on after sexual abuse.

    Please also have a look at some of the websites mentioned, where you can call anonymously and open up freely and unjudged about everything you are feeling and they will listen. Have a look at this article on our site on feeling suicidal.

    Hopefully posting here is helping because we are not going anywhere :yes: You mentioned before that you like listening to music and that it helped - is there a new playlist you could create this week to get through your pain?

    As Holly showed you are not alone in this and many people respond with similar feelings - and you can get through this. Apart from helplines and professional help do you have other people you can open up to about this?

    Stay strong remember you are not alone *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've done something that I shouldn't have. I haven't got anybody else that I could speak to.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Crisis.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you are in crisis, you need some face-to-face support. I'd strongly encourage you to call your local crisis team, out-of-hours doctor, or go to A&E.

    I hope you're ok.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I got help, but I feel guilty about it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why feel guilty? You needed the help and you are deserving of it just like anyone else!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What I thought would be help, wasn't. I don't know what to do anymore.
  • ReenaReena Posts: 1,375 Wise Owl
    Unflithen wrote: »
    I've done something that I shouldn't have. I haven't got anybody else that I could speak to.

    Is it the kind of thing that you can make amends for? Don't let it get to you just yet, there may be a solution.
    You have people here ready and waiting to listen. *hug* :heart: *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My death would make amends for it. I've lost faith in everything.
  • ReenaReena Posts: 1,375 Wise Owl
    Unflithen wrote: »
    Crisis.

    What's happened? *hug*
    Your death? Why your death?
    I don't really think I had faith before, but I like to believe I have it now, in myself. Everything else can easily disappoint you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nobody knows how to help me. I can't do it by myself anymore.
  • ReenaReena Posts: 1,375 Wise Owl
    Maybe if I was a better person I could help you. But apart from finding some information and helpful websites, there isn't much I can say. I will always do my best to listen and promise you I will care. Even if we never meet or speak face to face, I will always wonder how you are doing? Wish you the happiness you deserve, and will always want to cheer you up when you're down. Just like a friend standing right besides you.
    Even if I don't know how to help you I can at least do this. xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You've done enough to help. I couldn't have asked for anything more. I tried.
This discussion has been closed.